Dogs and Cats

[berks]

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.
I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will
continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space
is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from
the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I
must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have
been using the bathroom for years-canine or feline
attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the
following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to
Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it
"fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most
people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an
adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on
all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are
better than kids...they eat less, don't ask for money
all the time, are easier to train, usually come when
called, never drive your car, don't hang out with
drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry
about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear
your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for
college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the
children.

[fluffyfluff]

heheeh good one!