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The best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and ***** about it.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove
and refrigerator.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in sixth grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your Mom.
What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
Say, "Nice Dick."
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was
pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter
than the other?
A speech impediment.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern
zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
of the cage, along with a recipe.
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
Row row row your boat.
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a
Southern fairytale?
Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern
fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit ..."
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